B. Alan Wallace on the new synthesis

Living alone

George G Clark, 08 June 2009

'Living alone' has been the theme of several recent conversations. I now live alone, work from home, and make time each day for mindfulness. Other people have different patterns. So, to what extent is living alone a good thing? This one-pager maps out four main viewpoints.

Living alone
	normal	abnormal
Bad	1. anti-social	3. weird loners
Good	2. individual freedom	4. mindful creativity

 

Living alone is increasingly common in our modern individualistic cultures. Once there were extended families living in tight knit communities. Then there were socially-mobile, nuclear families living in boxes on estates. Now there are many single parent families and increasing numbers of people living alone.

(1) There is the notion that we are social animals. We become human only through interaction with other humans. Living alone cuts us off from being truly human. We can arrange contact via the media and computer based social networking: but this does not give the full blooded stimulation that we need.

(2) On the other hand, living with others calls for compromise and diplomacy to negotiate pathways through the different desires of individuals. There is less personal freedom of choice. By living alone we find the mental space to go beyond the parochial confines of our immediate social circumstances. We are thus able to consider what to be free from and what to be free for.

But throughout human history there have always been individuals who embraced living alone. These were the hermits and renunciants living in solitary retreat and figuring out the science and art of being truly human. At their best these pioneers had insights that contributed to major political, economic and religious systems.

(3) There is the notion that these Spartan recluses produce only a hotch potch of mystical mumbo jumbo and magic. The meditators would be better for the planet if they got a real job and contributed meaningfully to society and the economy.

(4) On the other hand, there are those who reckon that our present way of dealing with the planet (resource depletion, pollution, sweat shops etc) is seriously undesirable but structurally inbuilt. We therefore need a change of values, a paradigm shift in humanity's self-consciousness and its place in the web of things. Those who embrace living alone and a regime of mindfulness are well suited to finding better ways to be human.

So, to what extent is living alone a good thing?

Different people will have different viewpoints. We need different strokes for different personality types and at different times!

I personally have come to value and enjoy living alone most of the time. There is some guilt for not being more 'engaged' with finding solutions to the human roots of community and planetary problems. But business as usual is not getting us anywhere. If I am to stop being part of the problem there is need of a radical mental turn around. This requires lashings of stillness such that the media fed chatter fades away and the workaholic mud settles. The occasional company of like-minded souls helps. Some days are better than others!

"Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Learn to practice breathing in order to regain composure of body and mind, to practice mindfulness, and to develop concentration and understanding." (Thich Nhat Hahn)