My fifth decade

George G Clark, 21 March 2008

This week saw the replacement, after ten years, of my 13 yr old Renault Megane for a new (to me) 3 year old version complete with electric windows, a CD player, and an onboard computer. The street value of the old car was £200 while the new one is worth £6000. Thirty times better?

This week also marks my 10^th year since swapping full time work in Lesotho for a freelance life in Portsoy. So has there been a comparable upgrading in my life style and quality of life?

The official work in Lesotho involved full-time institution building for advisory workers in Education: and the unofficial work involved running a home recording studio for local bands. Since then the official work has involved short-term information processing projects based on the idea that digested knowledge is power to the people: and the unofficial work has involved investigating the problems of how we can possibly and plausibly know anything, and what that might be. The recent official work has been channelled through Community Economic Development structures in Scotland (mainly PDL, BPL and CCSD) and through Civil Society in Tanzania (mainly Hakikazi Catalyst). The unofficial work has been channelled through various forms of journaling – including one-pagers. Tangible outputs have been hard copy booklets and a range of websites.

During the  decade I have been in touch with friends from times past and have also made new friends and acquaintances. The latter includes people from Portsoy and surrounding district with a sprinkling of others from Findhorn, Inverness and Tanzania.

New friends from Lesotho include Toshiko, and Ralph & Maria all of whom have visited Portsoy. Toshiko has been my travelling companion many times in Scotland but also in Ireland, Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia. There was also a walking trip to the White Desert in Egypt with the Boyds. Other trips during the decade include to Eigg, Edinburgh, London and Geneva. But, on the whole, I have not strayed much from the well known streets of Portsoy and indeed not all that often from the house and garden.

My abilities as a wordsmith and web designer have developed. Although the latter has tended to fossilize, the former continues to develop in the evolving tradition of plain language writing.

But the main existential thrust of the decade has been the drive to change mental gear. Much of this is captured in my 'let it begin with me' website. To engage with more of the same was to remain part of the problem rather than being a contributor to a solution. So there is an ongoing drive to find a more holistic pattern for being in the world. This is rooted in mindfulness meditation. The process has not been without its problems (eg malaise and burn out) but there may now be light at the end of the tunnel.

So, if my mind was a motor car, has the decade seen a shift from a £200 model to a £6000 one? Am I thirty times better than I used to be? It is hard to tell. How might such things be judged? Self judgements are dependant on mood. And, despite increasing depth and extent of mindfulness, the moods still swing. Some days I feel like a rusty old wreck while other days I feel spanking new and straight out of the box. Existential truth emerges from context and contexts are constantly changing. But we can be more or less mindful of what is going on. Be still and know.